bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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