Porn is love you can see.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
