I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
