there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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