He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
