I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
