new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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