It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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