i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
