also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just cropdusted the office
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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