Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
