Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
