Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
