New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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