too bad you live with your parents still
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
