Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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