They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
