and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
