alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
