so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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