her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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