The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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