whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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