I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
