Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
