also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
