life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Randomize
