Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
