People in love make me want to vomit
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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