he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
