i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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