what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
