Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
