sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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