She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
