Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
