You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
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There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
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Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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