Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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