Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
