bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
