I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I can't turn off my feet"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
as a side note pls kill me
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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