I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
