I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
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He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
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It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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