i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
