Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
