Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
