Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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