friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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