So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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