just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
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I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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