it hurts more in the daytime
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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