i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
