You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
