I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
