Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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