I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
