I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
