My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
