Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
