all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
