i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
