No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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