from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
