Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
