And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
