Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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