hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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