Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
