just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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