Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
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At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
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First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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