she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
