Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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