Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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