She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
