Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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