No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
