im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
