At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
