Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
