Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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