Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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