You're a womanizer and a bitch.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
