dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize