Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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