No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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